I am Dave Knockles. And I want to tear you a new mind hole.

27 Jan

Welcome, my friends! Welcome!

To where?

To a place where your mind will be given an enema so potent and thorough that you’ll receive an instant PhD in Envelope-Busting Insight from the University of KAPOW! You will also a develop a limp. If you are a man, you may grow a third testicle. If you are a woman, you may grow a first testicle.

Now, while I am still a bona fide fucking genius of marketing (as you’ll discover if you check out my old blog, I AM THE CLIENT!), I have been told time and time again that I am simply too big for the world of advertising and communications. (And it was me telling myself that – so it has to be true. I mean, they always say that you can’t lie to yourself, don’t they? Exactly.)

So, this blog will take as its subject THE ENTIRE FUCKING UNIVERSE.

This is the universe. It is fuckmendously enormoungous.

Ambitious? Yes. Until you remember that the universe is mostly full of fuck-all, which makes the whole thing seem a lot more manageable.

I will still focus on the world of advertising from time to time. But, like the Renaissance Man I am, I will also focus on a load of other stuff too. Food, art, politics, science, religion – everything. Of course, I’ll feature bristolas pretty heavily too. (But not in a sexist way. I love women. Often two at a time.)

(By the way, right – and don’t…you know…laugh or anything but…was Renaissance Man a superhero whose super power was being able to do loads of different stuff? It was, right? I’ve never really known, not for certain. But I’m glad I’ve been able to confirm it because I would NOT want to look stupid.)

Now, if you think I should just stick to advertising, well you can take your fists – that’s it, both them – and force them right up your chassy-pipe until they come out of your fucking ears (as I say to my marketing team at work – they don’t half laugh!). That was then, and this is the future – so pin back your fucking ears and listen the fuck up.

I am Dave Knockles. And I want to tear you a new mind hole.


3 Responses to “I am Dave Knockles. And I want to tear you a new mind hole.”

  1. Nick January 27, 2011 at 10:26 pm #

    Dave – I won’t beat about the bush. You’re a legend.

    If I find out as much about the universe from this blog as I did about being a client from the last one, I’ll be quids in.

  2. David Everitt-Carlson January 31, 2011 at 6:08 pm #


    You are such a compleat and utter boneheaded twit! Welcome the fuck back. We missed yer ass.

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